The next best thing to going downtown on a minibus is listening to the driver's commentary. This is taken from the S-Corner Newsletter, serving the people of Whitfield Town, West Kingston, and edited by the dynamic Angela May.

 

Going Downtown

 

Bus driver speaking on the intercom: Welcome to Bus 40, running from Papine to Downtown Kingston. Please direct your attention to 1 Ducta who will instruct yuh on our safety and model features.

Conducta: Hail up massive! We want you to know that you are riding on the safest bus dat run pan di Papine to Downtown route. The mogle of our bus is a 1980 Elcava, owned and operated by Rough Rider transports. Dis mogle can survive any adversaries an cantraversies. As unu can si dis bus get nuff lick up an bad man shot up nuff time an it still drive like new! This bus seats up to 55 passengers, howeva, due to our commitment to excellent service, wi do not leave anybady straddling in di streets. So expect to have up top 140 people in yah by time we reach downtown.

During di journey we may encounta unexpected turbulences. These are known as potholes. In di case of a sudden bump please refrain from bawling out Lard Jesas mi dead now! Our driva is an experienced driva an will mek sure di axle an whell noh bruk aff ina one a dem. But incase wi drap ina one an caan come out... please do not climb troo di window dem til unu pay unu bus fare. I will shat unu rass wid mi 45. Di bus is not equipped with seat belts. Please hole pon di railing when di bus a tun di carna dem. The bus is capable of driving pon 2 wheels around corners and bends. When di bus a tun one wicked carna pon 2 wheelie, wi ask dat our seating passengers bear it if smaddy slide dung ina dem seat an squash yuh against di bus side.. Our seating passengers might experience seating passengers loosing dem balance an falling ova pon unu.. Please do not yell out "Hey batty bway, come off a mi rass lap!" Dat may cause serious shoot out.

On exiting the bus please don't expect dis bus to come to a full stop. Wi asking dat yuh hop off a di bus step skilfully.. If unu drap an lan pon unu backside an bruk sinting, Rough Rider nuh response. This is NOT a non stop journey. As a matta fact wi stop any which part wi waan wi stop at every yaad gate- all ina miggle road wi stop. Howeva di bus noh stop fi police. In case of an unexpected police chase, the driva will be forced to increase the bus normal speed from 100 mph to 160 mph. Yuh will be instructed to hole on tight an shet unu mout. In case this bus is hijacked by a terrorist known as "pick pocket" hole di bwoy an murda im rass. With that siad, if we reach down toen ina one piece please prepare for new passengers fi shoob unu dung before unu can get off, Noh mine dem.. But seat kina ration. Tank yuh for teking di iriest Rough Rider Elcava pon di route... And hope you enjoy di ride.

DRIVA- PRESS OUT!

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